Steel Panther on

Thery are righteous soldiers of honor, they are the sword of the Almighty fighting music that sucks. Still on the prowl … the STEEL PANTHERS! I met the band right before the show in Cologne talking about serious stuff such as the Last Supper, salvation, the Messiah and issues.

Interview with guitarist Satchel and drummer Stix Zadinia by Dennis Rowehl / pics: Honestly, I don’t really believe this but I heard rumors that somebody said that you drink alcohol. Is this correct?

Satchel: No, this is not true and besides we also don’t fuck bitches!

Stix: No alcohol, no drugs, no women! These are lies! So you’re very popular especially on Christian radio stations in the US?

Satchel: Yes, and we go to church every Sunday.

Stix: We’re really religious and we believe in being righteous. On the new album I hope there are lots of serious songs such as „Asian Hooker“?

Sathel: Everything we do is serious, you know …

Stix: Deadly, deadly serious!

Satchel: We’re serious like a heart attack. A heart attack is really serious shit. You know why a heart attack is serious? Because you can die if your heart stops beating … No kiddin‘ …

Stix: Yeah … and this is serious!

Satchel: You need your heart to stay alive! So without a heart you die .. This might be possible!

Satchel: So the messages on our new record are about serious things. We’ve got songs like „Bukkake tears“.

Stix: Yeah! Which is a serious song about love. About relationships and about what people like to do in relationships. And if you have a bukkake with 10 guys and one girl and they want to cum all over her face … you can’t stop it and you don’t wanna stop it because people get angry.

Satchel: This is serious! So if you want to dive from a high dive wall and you jump … you can’t get back, you can’t stop to dive.

Stix: And if you start this bukkake thing you cannot stop. That’s serious! One different thing. Your album „Balls out“ has been cencored right here in Germany cause of the cover. Well, are there any plans for a re-release maybe with a different cover that’s not going to be cencored?

Stix: This is a really good idea! The cencorship is rediculous! This sucks and it shouldn’t be on the index. In Germany … and we really love Germany … the album shall be available! The new cover with the last supper … well, that’s definitely something. So, is Michael the new Messiah?

Satchel: (laughing)


Stix: You know, we’re a collective Saviour for Heavy Metal. Steel Panther is holding the torch saving Heavy Metal from fucked up, stupid shit like Justin Bieber.

Satchel: Every time we come over there are more and more Glam Metal fans, this is really awesome! People like to fucking party and like to hear Heavy fucking Metal and this is what we do: Fucking party! We’re born to rock and to fuck bitches … and to party! So you don’t like herbal tea?

Stix: Fuck that! Some bands really drink stuff like this before entering the stage. Believe me … I really saw this!

Stix: Shit! Put this herbal tea in their herbal asses!

Satchel: Nobody in this band ever drank herbal tea and we signed a contract to never stop rocking and to never drink herbal tea!

Stix: Nobody likes bands who drink herbal tea, this sucks!

Satchel: Maybe you can fuck a girl who drinks herbal tea, even if she tastes like herbal tea then … Even better than tasting like cigarettes …

Stix: Yeah, yeah, yeah … honestly I don’t like cigarettes.

Satchel: Just wheat and cocaine … and Jack Daniels! Do you have some more details of the new album?

Stix: Great pictures and it’s the best of what we did on our first two albums. We’re very proud of it. Well, it’s not brand new but I’ve really got to ask you this. You for 1 year on an uninhabited island … alone … who’s better: Madonna or Hillary Clinton?

Satchel: (laughing)

Stix: Wow! What a sick question!

Satchel: I’d prefer to kick myself in the nuts over and over again (laughing)

Stix: But think how big Madonna’s pussy is right now, I think Dennis Rodman has been all over that shit, Dude! I just care about pussy tightness …

Satchel: Damn … Do you have a personal Top-5-list of most beautiful ladies?

Satchel: Actually I’m not in this model thing, I love slutty women like dirty, skanky whores. There are lots of beautiful supermodels out there but I don’t know their names. I love killer tits! But if you mean celebrities … mmhh

Stix: Charlize Theron … she’s awesome. She looks like fucking the shit out of you. She’s my favourite one. She’s hot!

Satchel: She’s hot, yeah!

Stix: And Carrie Washington. Fuck, Dude! Charlie and Carrie, that’s all I need! And Hillary right in the middle?

Satchel: That’s dirty! Okay, you panthers. Always a pleasure! Thanks and … hope that „All you can eat“ won’t be on the index!

Satchel: Thanks and enjoy the show!

Stix: Yeah, thanks, Dude!

Steel Panther interview on entertaimnet